Day Six - Thursday 8-30-07

I'm surprised how easy it seems to have been these past few days. Sure...I've had many cigarette cravings, but they don't seem to last very long and are far between. Maybe it's because I've tried to stay busy. I did drive to Junction City today. Driving has always been a major trigger for me. Let's just say I chewed nearly a whole bag of sunflower seeds! I don't know if it's the medicine that's helping so much or what, but this time has seemed much easier. I can't tell you how badly I've wanted to go buy a pack of cigarettes on an occasion or two, but I didn't. The mornings are tough too. I so love going out on the porch with a cup of coffee and a cigarette. It's so relaxing! Ahhhhh...... I will miss my old friend. But he really is the devil!

I hope Angelina doesn't get mad at me for saying this, but yesterday Angelina and I went to a couples counseling session. I think most of you know it has been a tough relationship for both 0f us for a long time. But we really do love each other. I tell ya though....after meeting with the counselor and seeing the look in her eyes, I could tell she didn't see much hope for us. I think Angelina saw it too. She was real quiet afterwards....after listening to what the counselor told us. I must admit, it made me think too. Is it really worth all the frustration, unhappiness, arguments? Maybe we're just incompatible. I hate that word. That was Shelly's grounds for divorce. Incompatibility. I've always thought of that as a cop-out people use to refer to marriages when they're just too lazy to work things out and don't realize that in your vows, it doesn't say "through thick and thin (unless you realize that you're incompatible)." I guess that's why I've really wanted this relationship to work for us. Even though we're not married, I wanted to give it everything I've got. I saw that Angelina was willing to keep trying too, even when things got really bad. There was commitment on both sides to make it work. I like that. I think that's something that really makes a difference to me. It's hard to find that level of commitment from people these days. I think we'll continue to seek counseling. We owe it to ourselves to really give it a good effort this time. I don't think we can do it on our own at this point. We've tried and we just seem to get closer to breaking up than staying together. Hopefully, an outside perspective will help us. I pray it does.

Peace.
Alex