Integrity, Honor, Commitment

I don't think people have much integrity these days...mostly, I suppose, with the younger generation; but really in general. There are a lot of things that go into having integrity: commitment, morals, truthfulness, honor, reliability.

I had an argument with my daughter this morning. She texted me to to say that she could not eat dinner with us for her grandfather's birthday tonight, even though she had told me twice (as late as yesterday) that she would be there. She said she had a date with her boyfriend and that she was also on a diet and couldn't eat at that particular steakhouse due to her diet. In my opinion, she was making excuses so she could spend more time with her boyfriend. She said she would "stop by" for a few minutes to say hi. She thought I was making a big deal out of nothing. I told her that commitment WAS a big deal and that she had to learn that when you commit to something, you follow through. She could always eat a salad if it was only because of her diet; I knew better, because I know my daughter.

This is just one example in a long line of examples of people who have made commitments to me and others I know, only to back out at the last minute.

It has only been in the past couple of years that I felt I was ready to start seriously considering dating again. After my most recent relationship dissolved, it was hard for me to get back up in the saddle and trust again. Not only that, my kids were now grown and son was off to college. It was time to start thinking about my own future. In the last year alone, I have personally experienced women who have backed out of dates (casual get-togethers as well as formal) the day of or day before we were to get together. This has happened about 5 times in the past year alone! (It happened twice this week by the same woman friend when we were supposed to go to a movie together.) When my daughter backed out on her commitment today, it just got me to wondering where integrity and commitment had gone. I want to teach my daughter to NOT be one of those people who think it's okay to back out on commitments. Ironically, she was backing out IN ORDER to spend time with a boy; but in my mind, that's even worse. Family should ALWAYS come before boyfriends or girlfriends, especially at her age and level of commitment to a relationship. It's hard to teach a girl at her age to put family before boys, however.

People look at my past record with women (16 years divorced and not yet married) and think it's due to my inability to make a commitment. On the contrary, it's because I have NOT felt the same level of commitment in the women I have dated! I can't tell you how tired I get of people making jokes about my inability to make a commitment, when I know that's never been the issue. In fact, in all my years of dating women going back to high school, I don't believe I have EVER had an extra-curricular relationship when I was involved in a serious relationship with a woman. Now...I have dated more than one woman at a time on occasion; but that is normally when I am still in the dating process and not serious with any particular one. In fact, before my last 3 years relationship I was dating two women fairly regularly. When it became obvious that I was ready to make a commitment to one over the other, I called the other to let her know. You know...she was very kind and appreciated that I called to tell her and was honest with her rather than just stop calling, as so many others do today. I also told both of them that I was seeing the other while I was dating them both. I wanted them to know where I was in terms of commitment.

I get asked to give of my time to projects, committees, events, etc all the time. Each time I am asked, I give serious consideration as to how much time I have to give and what level of commitment is being asked of me. I never agree to anything that I don't feel I can give 100% to. I want others to never doubt my level of commitment. Integrity, commitment and honor are a lost art...an art I hope my children will learn and appreciate.