Dating at Forty

Dating at Forty

Current mood: hopeful
Category: Romance and Relationships

Dating at forty-something is so hard for me. I'm not sure exactly what it is, but it just feels so awkward; nothing like twenty- or thirty-something. Meeting new people. Awkward conversation. Asking her out. Where do you take her? How do you read her? What is she looking for in a man? Is she someone you could like enough to keep dating? The first kiss. That's one of the hardest things for me. Do you kiss on the first date? If you don't, what will they think? If you do, what will they think? Tongue....no tongue? When (or if) sex should come into the picture. Do they want the same things I want? On and on and on....

You see, forty-somethings are more experienced at life than a twenty-something and usually more independent and know what they want out of life. But you never quite know what stage the other is in and what kind of experiences he or she has had and how that affects the way he or she thinks about dating or the opposite sex in general. Those things above were pretty simple at 25 or even 35. Most of that stuff you didn't really think too much about. You just did it if it felt right. You pretty much just took things as they come. At forty-something, time becomes more of a factor. How much time do I put into a relationship before I can tell if it's going to go anywhere? You want to be fair to yourself and to the person you're dating to give it a fair chance at success. However, my last serious girlfriend went about 2 years longer than it should have. That time could've been spent dating other women. Who knows? Maybe I would've met someone else in that time and been married by now!

I guess with me, it's about not being single anymore. I've been single for the much better part of 16 years. With the exception of the three year relationship and a few relationships that lasted a few months each, I've been single. But for most of that time, I didn't really think too much about being single because I was raising my kids and they were my focus. I didn't feel any pressure to meet anyone for the most part. I knew I'd be okay as long as I had them and could spend time with them. Now that they are grown (for the most part) I'm alone and find that I am more ready than ever to meet someone that I might eventually want to spend the rest of my life with. Part of it could be attributed to loneliness; part of it is simply the need for closeness. All I know is it's time....I think.

I've actually had the opportunity to date a little lately. It's been fun meeting new people and getting reacquainted with people I've known, but not dated before. I'm trying to be open-minded about everything and just take things as they come without thinking too much. I think that's been a problem for me in past relationships....I think too much and it makes it difficult for me to enjoy dating or the relationship. Perhaps this blog entry IS me thinking too much! All I know is I hope I don't continue to blow things by thinking too much or being stupid or whatever. At my age, it's hard to know how many more chances I might have to get it right!