Happy New Year! It has been some time since I wrote anything here. To put it mildly, the holiday season is a very busy time in my business since many companies have end-of-year benefits enrollments, and that is what Aflac does the best. This year, not only did I have my regular end-of-year enrollments, but the City of Salina also became an Aflac customer so I had to throw in a week of meeting with firefighters, police officers, and street workers. Hopefully, things will slow down just a little to give me some time to myself and my family that has been unavailable lately.
This past year has been a good year, but in some ways a hard year. Good because I quit smoking (although I still slip up occasionally) and my business is growing, but hard because Angelina and I ended a 3 year relationship which was a constant struggle and also because I am experiencing some challenges with my daughter. You see, she is a high schooler now, but she is still only 14. Unfortunately, she seems to think she is 18 and wants the freedom an 18 year old gets. The problem is that as a divorced parent, it's difficult when your ex doesn't feel the same way about parenting a 14 year old girl as I do. Hopefully we won't have to wait until something bad happens before we get on the same page.
The years go by so quickly as you grow older. This year I will turn 44. I'm not sure how middle age affects most women, but I thought I had already gone through a brief bout with mid-life crisis. I was wrong. I'm going through it now. No...I'm not going to go out and buy a Corvette or something (I would if I had the money...although not because of any type of mid-life crisis). It's just that I find myself thinking about my own mortality and longing for the simpler times. I find myself wishing I had made different decisions in my life and wondering why I'm where I am today. I wish I was happy like I was when I was 21. Not that I'm unhappy...it's just that I haven't felt happy with my life and who I am for quite some time. I'm not doing the things with my life that I wanted to do when I was a kid. I wonder when I'm finally going to be able to support my family the way I always wanted to. I'm tired of explaining to Jordan that I can't afford this or that. I always wanted to be able to give my kids more than my parents were able to give me. That has not happened. I guess that's why it has always been so important for me to give my kids all the love I could. Love is free and easy to give to your kids. If they feel loved, they will never feel short-changed in life.
What's my New Year's resolution? Hmmm..... I guess to become more secure in my job financially. I'm doing well in terms of numbers, but the money is still hard to come by. I'm making as much or a little more as I did teaching, but that doesn't say much. As a single parent...that doesn't say much at all. Here's wishing everyone I know a healthy and prosperous New Year!
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2 comments:
I really enjoy reading your blog updates, Alex. You are so honest and that is really refreshing. What I think is that 2008 is the year that you start thinking about what you need to do to be happy. That could be alot of things, even small things. When you find even the smallest thing that gives you happiness, acknowledge it and accept it. We all have challenges, short comings, unachieved dreams or goals, etc. You just keep hitting your challenges head first, reset your goals and move forward - that's what we do. It's ok to be a little selfish. The people who love you want you to find happiness - so go out and find it. In so doing, you will be better equipped to give more of yourself to your family and your friends. While you're at it though - give yourself a little credit. You have so many amazing talents and qualities - and everyone you've touched in your life knows it but you. Allow your ego to show once in a while. It's healthy. I love you bro! Great to hear from you. Keep the updates coming.
I could not have said it better,what your anonymous person wrote you,Alex
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