Day Six - Thursday 8-30-07

I'm surprised how easy it seems to have been these past few days. Sure...I've had many cigarette cravings, but they don't seem to last very long and are far between. Maybe it's because I've tried to stay busy. I did drive to Junction City today. Driving has always been a major trigger for me. Let's just say I chewed nearly a whole bag of sunflower seeds! I don't know if it's the medicine that's helping so much or what, but this time has seemed much easier. I can't tell you how badly I've wanted to go buy a pack of cigarettes on an occasion or two, but I didn't. The mornings are tough too. I so love going out on the porch with a cup of coffee and a cigarette. It's so relaxing! Ahhhhh...... I will miss my old friend. But he really is the devil!

I hope Angelina doesn't get mad at me for saying this, but yesterday Angelina and I went to a couples counseling session. I think most of you know it has been a tough relationship for both 0f us for a long time. But we really do love each other. I tell ya though....after meeting with the counselor and seeing the look in her eyes, I could tell she didn't see much hope for us. I think Angelina saw it too. She was real quiet afterwards....after listening to what the counselor told us. I must admit, it made me think too. Is it really worth all the frustration, unhappiness, arguments? Maybe we're just incompatible. I hate that word. That was Shelly's grounds for divorce. Incompatibility. I've always thought of that as a cop-out people use to refer to marriages when they're just too lazy to work things out and don't realize that in your vows, it doesn't say "through thick and thin (unless you realize that you're incompatible)." I guess that's why I've really wanted this relationship to work for us. Even though we're not married, I wanted to give it everything I've got. I saw that Angelina was willing to keep trying too, even when things got really bad. There was commitment on both sides to make it work. I like that. I think that's something that really makes a difference to me. It's hard to find that level of commitment from people these days. I think we'll continue to seek counseling. We owe it to ourselves to really give it a good effort this time. I don't think we can do it on our own at this point. We've tried and we just seem to get closer to breaking up than staying together. Hopefully, an outside perspective will help us. I pray it does.

Peace.
Alex

Day Three - Monday 8-27-07

I've made it through three days in a row now, but it hasn't been easy. The key has been to keep myself busy. When I have cravings at trigger points during the day (with coffee, in my car, after dinner, etc) I've just tried to occupy my time and mind with other things and the craving generally goes away pretty quickly. I have a card in my wallet that says "Remember...the craving will go away whether you have a cigarette or not." The craving goes away. Sometimes it seems to come back more often, but it does go away just by taking my mind off of it.

Angelina's been doing well at quitting too. She's a much stronger person than I am. She seems to be able to quit cold-turkey all the time, but has always gone back to smoking in times of stress. Stress is her big trigger, and unfortunately she has a lot of stress in her life. But I'm proud of her! She quit on August 23rd, so is two days ahead of me. It's so much nicer to kiss her now! I guess it must be nicer for her as well. That's the thing about smoking that bothers me the most....the smell. It's in your clothes, your hair, your breath...everything!

Three Days down....a lifetime to go!

Peace.
Alex

Day One - Quit Day Saturday 8-25-07

Okay...I'm writing this after-the-fact, but I felt it was important to document my struggles/successes with quitting smoking. If you have any comments or suggestions on things that might help, please feel free to leave a comment.

Well...day one started out bad. I had a few drags from a cigarette in the morning. One of the hardest things for me is to not smoke in the morning with my cup of coffee. I felt terrible and didn't have any for the rest of the day. The medication I'm taking does actually seem to help. For some reason I don't seem to have as many regular cravings. However, when I do get a craving it's a doosy! I was proud of myself for sticking to it the rest of the day. For the first several weeks, it really is "One Day at a Time".

Hallowed Grounds

Well...we did it! Les and I sang the National Anthem at Arrowhead Stadium yesterday, and it went great! It really was so much fun for us both, but me especially. Those who really know me know that there aren't very many Chiefs fans who are any bigger fans than I am. I have stuck by the Chiefs all through the hard times in the 70s and early 80s when being a Chiefs fan wasn't very cool. Back then you had to be a Steelers, Cowboys, or 49ers fan to be cool. Okay, it wasn't a Chiefs game (hopefully the exposure will help us get a Chiefs game sometime!) but it was the "hallowed ground" of Arrowhead. Most NFL fans recognize the "hallowed ground of Lambeau Field" in Green Bay as kind of the storied and historic stadium in the NFL, but Arrowhead is no less important to me.

Walking through Gate E into the main entrance to Arrowhead I began to feel like a little kid again. With bronze busts of Neil Smith and Jack Steadman greeting us as we walked in, I began to feel giddy. This was it! We're goin' in! What do you mean? No bust of Derrick Thomas or Len Dawson (two of my most favorite Chiefs). Well....that was just the beginning!

We waited for a while in the lobby after Marty (not Schottenheimer, but the nice lady at the front desk) called Les's friend Shaun who is the Assistant Box Office Manager for the KC Wizards and got us the gig. Soon thereafter, Suzanne (I think her name was?) came to get us and escort us to the field. (Les tells this story on his blog at leslankhorst.blogspot.com too. It's better.) Les went with her and I stayed behind as I thought she had said she would be right back. Soon Les calls back to me, "Alex....you GOTTA SEE THIS!" So I walked around the corner and Les points to his right as Melissa moves back. There it was. THE LOMBARDI TROPHY!!!! Right there in front of me. "That can't be the real thing", I thought. It was so long ago, and before even MY Chiefs days. But, yes, the Chiefs had won a Super Bowl....Super Bowl IV to be exact. But there was no glass case. Nothing. It was standing right there in front of me next to bronze busts of so many of the Chief's players of the past. Suzanne and Les both started laughing as I was standing there with my jaw literally on the floor. I was in shock! My mind was racing so fast I didn't realize for a second that it really was the real thing. I'm still giddy thinking about it! It didn't even say "Super Bowl" it sayed something like "The National Football Championship Trophy".

A little bit of trivia....
Do you know who actually named "The Super Bowl"? Why none other than the founder of the AFC and one of the most influential figures of modern-day football, as well as the recently deceased owner of the Kansas City Chiefs, Lamar Hunt.

Oh...I almost forgot about the National Anthem and the soccer game. We stood near the 50 yard marker and faced the crowd with a camera in our face as we stood and sang the National Anthem to a crowd filled with mostly Spanish-speaking Mexicans. I joked to Les later that we should have sang the Mexican National Anthem as well! You see, most Americans who pay attention to sports news may know the name David Beckham as he was the most heralded European Soccer player of his generation and he recently signed with the Los Angeles Galaxy of the MLS and is married to Posh Spice of The Spice Girls. But most of us NON-Hispanics don't know the name Cuauhtemoc Blanco. To put it this way...he is the David Beckham of Mexican soccer. He is the Michael Jordan of the NBA. He is the star and hero to millions of Mexican soccer fans and he plays for the Chicago Fire who was our rival team that night. There were as many (if not more) fans there rooting for Chicago simply because he was on their team. It was an extremely exciting game with Blanco getting 2 yellow cards and getting into a heated argument with an official. The Wizards finally came out ahead 3-2 in close match. Another great part of the night was that we got to share it with our dad. Dad's been a soccer fan all his life having grown up in Holland and played soccer all through his youth. He even coached me in junior high. It was fun going to our first major league soccer match together.

It was a night to remember. Thanks Shaun!

Peace.
Alex

Chantix

Well...I've started taking a prescription medication called Chantix, which is a pill that is designed to help you stop smoking. As many of you know, I've tried to quit smoking on dozens of ocassions but have never been successful. I've smoked on and off since I was 16 (27 years!), but have yet to find the power to quit for good. I've taken the stop smoking class in Salina twice, tried the patch, Zyban (a different pill to help you quit), cutting back gradually, cold turkey, and even hypnosis (which is really a bunch of crap). I've heard good things about Chantix, so we'll see if it helps. I started taking it Saturday, because you're supposed to be on it for a week before your quit day. I've selected next Saturday as my quit day. Angelina has selected Thursday (her birthday) as her quit day. Chantix apparently works by blocking nicotine from attaching itself to receptors in the brain that give you the feeling of pleasure from smoking. It doesn't have the nicotine in it like the patch. The problem is that it costs over $100 a month and you're supposed to be on it for 12 weeks! Hopefully I won't have to take it that long! Oh well...you gotta do what you gotta do. Thanks to everyone who have been supportive of our efforts to quit!

Peace,
Alex

This is laugh out loud funny! Thanks to my friend Stasha for posting this on My Space.

ONLY A GUY WOULD DO THIS!

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary submitted this... Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little "something extra" for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-vo lt, pocket/purse-sized Taser. The effects of the Taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against flesh or a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, right?!!! There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really (and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION! (&# %&) (# %) (&#*#*)!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner and then body slammed us both on the carpet over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A ONE-SECOND BURST when you zap yourself!!! &nb sp; You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative. That hurt like hell!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles and offering a significant reward for their safe return.

Back to School!

I can't believe it's that time of year again! Each year my kids get one year older and closer to high school graduation, and time just seems to be slipping away from me. Shelbi is entering 9th grade at South High and Jordan will be a Junior! Shelbi will be a cheerleader and Jordan will be in New Dawn. Wow! That doesn't seem possible! I still remember laying in bed at night when I was about to enter my freshman year in school, nervous about entering high school and thinking about how 4 years seemed like such a long time before I would graduate. That 4 years now seem like 4 minutes. I have vivid memories of Shelbi in 1st grade at Franklin Elementary at Halloween doing the costume parade around the school grounds. She was dressed as a princess and to me seemed like the most beautiful princess ever! Then a bird pooped on my head right in front of my ex-wife Shelly and she laughed while I flushed with embarrassment. That seemed like yesterday to me. I remember Jordan's first day of kindergarten. He was all dressed up with his new Batman book bag. Isn't it funny how fast time goes by when you get older and how long a year seems when you're in school?

I have mixed feelings now when school starts up again. It was a year ago that I left teaching after only teaching two years. When I got the call from South's principal, Myron Graber, offering me the job at my alma mater, it was the first time I ever cried with joy at the news that I was offered a job! I was a mess. I was so happy that all my efforts at K-State School of Education was going to pay off. I was offered the job that I dreamed of when I decided to go back to school at the age of 38. I remember my first year being full of excitement with all the possibilities for my new career that I thought would be my last. I wish they would have given us a more realistic idea of what high school teachers have to go through on a daily basis. I wish someone....anyone....would have explained to me how parents have changed since I was a kid. You heard me right. PARENTS have changed....not kids. Kids have the same pressures we had. It's just that I didn't count on having to be a parent to so many kids on a daily basis. Anyone who knows me knows how good my kids are. They were easy to parent growing up! It wasn't fun at all for me to have to be a disciplinarian to so many kids each day. I wanted to TEACH! Every now and then you felt like you were getting through to someone and may have made a difference to them; but not nearly enough. I always had a lot of respect for teachers, but I have so much more now after witnessing first hand what they deal with on a daily basis for so little money and respect, and so much scrutiny by the public.

Here's to another school year! May it last a long, long time!

Peace.

Alex

Singing at Arrowhead!!!

My brother, Les, and I will be singing the National Anthem at Arrowhead Stadium! Okay....so we're not singing at a Chief's game, but we are singing at Arrowhead Stadium for the major league soccer team, the KC Wizards. Les actually sang the National Anthem by himself at a Chiefs game (back in the late 80s when he was a performer at Worlds of Fun) but this will be my first opportunity to sing there. What a thrill! Maybe it'll go so well, they'll book us for a Chiefs or Royals game sometime. You never know!

Speaking of the Chiefs...don't miss the HBO Special "Hard Knocks..Training Camp with the Kansas City Chiefs". It started yesterday and runs each Wednesday at 9:00 p.m. I believe. I can't believe it's football season again!! My favorite time of year! With the Chiefs, Wildcats, Jayhawks, and even a good KWU Coyotes team playing around here, we have so many good teams to watch! Not to speak of some excellent high school teams! If only baseball season was that good! (I miss the good 'ol days of the Royals!)

Peace,
Alex

Smoking

My girlfriend, Angelina, had a wake-up call yesterday.

I was at a district meeting with Aflac in Smith Center all day, and got a call from Angelina around 4 p.m. on my way home. She said she was just getting home from Lindsborg (where she works) because she had spent the day in the Emergency room at the hospital and under observation for high blood pressure. She had been feeling weird and had known that her blood pressure was a little high lately, but it all came to a head yesterday. Luckily, she is feeling better but she had an awakening of sorts as a result. She has decided she must quit smoking immediately.

Those of you who know me know that I have battled with the smoking addiction for many, many years and have quit on several occasions only to start up again later. It has been the one thing in my life that I am the least proud of and the hardest thing to conquer. Angelina has asked that I support her and try to quit as well. Of course I agreed. It's very important for her to quit, but not any less important for me. I have had respiratory problems for years as a result of my smoking, yet I still smoke. I don't want a wake-up call like Angelina had. I hope that's not what it will take for me to finally say goodbye to smoking for good.

The most important part my friends and family can play in helping us both to quit is for them to be supportive instead of critical. Criticism will only make things worse for both of us. Rather, love and support is so very helpful. Those who have never smoked can never understand how difficult it is and what Angelina and I are about to go through. Saying "just quit" is like telling a high-jumper to "just jump over the bar". It can happen, but not without a lot of hard work and support from everyone.

I hope those of you who read this will be understanding and supportive of both of us while we go through this battle together.

Peace,

Alex

Friday!!!

I love Fridays! Friday has to be the favorite day of 90% of Americans. Why is that? Is it that people love the weekend or just dislike their work? I love my job! But I do go through periods where I get in a rut and wonder if I'll ever get out. I may be entering one of those periods now, come to think about it. Hopefully it won't last long.

It has been a long week. It was a productive week, work-wise, but I didn't sell a lot. I did make progress on some accounts I've been trying to nail down, just not a lot of business. I know things will turn around there soon though.

Yesterday, my mom's art class had their "end of class dinner" with parents and loved ones of the people who took the class. It is an annual affair at the completion of the art class she has at our church. The students show their art work they've been working on and then serve their loved ones dinner at the church. They design and make the menus and cook the dinner. I really enjoy it because my kids get to serve me dinner for a change! What a treat that is! This year my girlfriend Angelina came because her son Marquix was in the class. My ex-wife Shelly also came because Shelbi was in the class. They sat across from each other and ganged up on me the whole dinner! That was fun...... I wonder who did THAT seating arrangement!

I also went to see the movie "Chalk" this past week. I didn't know how well I would be able to handle it, but I did okay. The movie is about a first-year high school teacher named Mr. Lowery (played by Troy Schremmer) and other young teachers and first-year assistant principal. Some of the scenes with Mr. Lowery were very painful to watch because they hit so close to home for me having taught for two years and enduring many of the nearly identical situations he goes through. Like me, he is divorced and began teaching after being in professional business for several years. Like me, he contemplates quitting after his first year. I actually quit after my second year, and you never find out if he does indeed quit. I recommend it as a movie to watch, but if you are a teacher, some of the scenes do hit pretty close to home. Troy and his co-star and wife Janelle (Hottman) Schremmer came to Salina last week to show the movie and answer questions about it. Janelle is a former high school classmate of my sister, Christel, and were in many plays together.

Have a great weekend!

Peace,
Alex

How To Stay Young

I got this forward awhile back, and just found it under some papers on my desk. I thought it was right on. Here's to staying young!

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. Smiles are contageous!
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop. And the devil's name is Alzheimer."
4. Enjoy the simple things...the sound of laughter, the sound of raindrops on the leaves, the smell of home cooking, the beauty of nature.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath!
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive!
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them at every opportunity!

If I haven't told you lately...thanks for being my friend!

Peace,
Alex

Welcome Back Alex!!!!

Wow! I can't believe it has been 2 years since my last posting! To be honest, once school started that year, I was focused on doing my daily lesson plans. My blog was the last thing on my mind!

Starting today, I'm going to try to make this a regular part of my day. I want to put some thoughts down each day (or at least on a regular basis). Life goes by too fast! I was just telling Marquix last night that I wished I had written in a journal when I was his age. Boy what reading that would make today! Do you remember the stuff you went through as a middle-schooler? What times those were! Now I'm 43 and my life is not nearly as facinating as it was then. Nontheless, I want to share my daily thoughts and experiences with you and with myself. Who knows? Maybe it'll make for some good reading some day!

Until next time...